Don’t Listen to Harmful Dating Advice

Don’t listen to harmful dating advice! Just because it’s written in a very popular magazine, your best friend, or mom who you trust with your life says it, doesn’t mean it’s true. Worthless dating advice generally comes from popular commercial magazines like Cosmo, close, well-intended, but ignorant single friends, and your mother who thinks you can do no wrong.

 

Why magazines, your friends, and your mother give harmful dating advice:

 

Magazines: First let’s discuss why magazines like Cosmo, In Style, and Glamour give dating advice that is not only wrong, but downright destructive. Magazines, particularly women’s magazines are designed to sell you things. They are not intended to give therapy or coaching. The bottom line is that their articles are meant to keep the reader’s eyes focused on the magazine so that their viewers are more likely to see and buy from the ads. How do they do this? By making you feel insecurity. By giving you emotional reactions to their articles, you are far more likely to keep reading. If they can accomplish putting you in an insecure state, you are far more receptive to buying beauty enhancement products, clothes, and other products. Many magazine writers are not accomplished coaches or matchmakers. Rather, they are skilled marketers attempting to put you in a more buyer receptive state. Please stop reading these magazines thinking you are learning anything of value and take it for what it really is. Entertainment marketing.

Your Friends: Although your friends don’t have ulterior motives like magazines do, they still have their handful of horrible dating advice. First of all, most of what they think may be correct advice, they learned from the magazines I talked about above. Simply because something is popular, they see the popular information as proof. Another reason why friends give bad advice is because most people aren’t very intuitive. See, when you ask your friend, “How can I get him to chase me?” or “How can I hook up with her tonight?” They will come from the viewpoint that everyone responds and thinks the same way they do. They will tell you what would work on them. They think, “Well, if this is what would get me to do this, then it must work on other people.” Ironically, many people who use this logic also have no idea what they want or how they would respond. For example, ask any drunk girl at a club what the best way to pick her up is. Most of them will tell you, “Oh, just say hi and be really nice to me! Tell me I’m beautiful and try to get to know me.” We all know they don’t respond to that and wind up dating the guy that does the exact opposite. Some friends also have very negative perspectives of the opposite sex and allow their emotions, whether it be anger, resentment, jealousy, etc. to alter their thinking. Since they are angry or upset because for example, an ex broke their heart, they may give you advice on what they would do to their ex if they had the chance, which probably wouldn’t be pretty.

Your Mother: Finally, your mother, as awesome as she may be, gives pretty bad advice about dating, especially to her sons. She wants her boys to be respectful and treat women well. You can’t blame her when she tells you, “In order to get that girl, give her flowers and tell her how you feel about her.” Not only does she want to raise a good boy, she also wants her husband “your dad” to start doing those things for her. It’s great advice to keep a long-term relationship going with her, but it’s also a great way to shoot yourself in the foot with a woman you are pursuing. She may tell her daughters to “play hard to get” or “don’t put out until he’s in a relationship with you.” This is old school advice that used to work when women were expected to stay at home, cook, and clean for their husbands. She hasn’t been single in 30 or 40 years. Why are you even asking her in the first place? Also, she does not see you as a sexual being. You are still her baby and anybody that doesn’t immediately fall for you is not good enough for you in her eyes. Because after all, she loves you, so other people should too.

Good Sources of Advice: People who have studied and still practice what they preach are the very best people to ask advice from. Look at the position they are in. If they are at a place you want to reach, ask them how they got there. They can provide you great insight. I, for example, used to be horrible at dating and had to learn how to talk to girls on my own. I know what it’s like to be a huge dork and I got myself from a place of loneliness to having a wonderful girlfriend. It also helps to have worked with hundreds of clients with their dating skills and match-made people into happy relationships. My experience gives my advice value. If you want to learn how to stop attracting losers, ask a woman who has none in her life but perhaps had a history of dating them. If you want to learn how to talk to girls, ask a guy who used to suck at it and is now great at it.

 

Dan Silverman

Miami Matchmaker

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