You've finally made up your mind and you are now committed to doing anything it takes to get the social aspect of your life under your control. That's great! In order to reach any goal in your life, you must be committed all the way until you achieve it. The way I see it, there are three steps to success. 1) Decide exactly what you want. 2) Decide what price you are willing to pay in order to make it happen. 3) Pay the price. 1) You have decided exactly what you want out of your social life. Be it dating different women, being more confident or simply knowing how to deal with all types of people in your everyday life. The key in this step is to be exact with what you want. If it's dating different women, you should know how many women do you want to date at any given time. If it's being more confident, what is it that you want to accomplish by having that confidence? You have to be exact with what you want. 2) So now that you know exactly what you want, you must be willing to pay the price for that which you desire. In other words, how bad do you want it? Are you really willing to do anything it takes to get it handled? Are you willing to do the exercises and go through with the sacrifices that are demanded from you in order to achieve it? Or are you just going to say, "I'll do it tomorrow?" This is the part where you make a contract with yourself to do anything it takes to achieve that goal, even if it means it will be difficult. Everything worth having in this life is achieved through hard work, if not, every single person would be successful at anything they wished. You must work hard and be committed because in the end, only the ones who work hard towards what they want reach success. 3) Now that you have made the previous two decisions, you are ready to pay the price. This is the part where it gets a bit rough. This is the part where all of your daily decisions affect whether you get closer to that goal or not. This is where your commitment and sacrifices come into play. Let's say for instance, it's a Saturday night and all your friends feel like staying home instead of going out. What happens then? You might feel the urge to stay home as well and watch that favorite show or movie of yours, although you know you're supposed to be out improving your social skills. Your decision at that specific place and time affects how close you will be to achieving your goal. You might start giving yourself several excuses. Maybe you feel that it is pathetic to go out by yourself, or that you are tired and you'll go out next weekend. If you convince yourself that these excuses are real then you only went as far as step 1. You broke your promise to step 2 and never reached step 3. It is very important to stay committed and really mean it. Here is a little passage from the book, Mastering Your Hidden Self: A Guide to the Huna Way, that I think is very important when looking at these issues. "Determination, an unswerving will, is actually the continuous, conscious directing of attention and awareness toward a given end for a purpose. And this is accomplished by continuously renewing the decisions or choices made to reach the given end, in spite of apparent obstacles and difficulties. A person with such a will, that is, such an ability to keep renewing a decision, does not get discouraged by mistakes, and failures. If one method used to reach his goal does not work after repeated tries, he tries another, and then another, until he finds one that does work, even if it means he has to change himself. A person with so-called €˜weak will' is simply someone who uses the same conscious will power that everyone has to change his mind about continuing toward a goal. In other words, he just makes a different decision, a decision not to continue, while the first person makes a decision to continue." Like the passage said, it is very important while learning to change your habits, to remind yourself daily of what your end purpose is and why it is important to you while you continue your progress. If you are going to start going out to socialize in clubs, bars and other places that make you feel uncomfortable, just go out there different days to have a beer and hangout before you begin to socialize. This will help you get past your discomfort with the environment, but make it a habit to just get yourself out there. Last thing that I wanted to mention is to have fun with all of this. This doesn't have to be stressful and agonizing. Just go out there with the mentally of having a good time. Little by little you will see how you will start getting better and better. This is no different than learning any other skill, it just takes practice and persistence. Good luck everyone!
Written By Juan
Former Dating Coach for Matchmaking Miami